Embracing the Bigger Picture: Self-as-Context for Kids

Michael R Kiel
Sep 6
5 min read

Updated: Oct 6

If you’ve ever heard your child say, “I stink at math!” you know how quickly one hard moment can feel like the whole day is ruined. As parents, we’ve been there too — maybe thinking, “I can’t do anything right,” after a tough morning.

It’s easy for both kids and parents to get swept up by one painful thought or feeling. But here’s the good news:

You and your child are always more than just one moment, one thought, or one struggle.

That’s where this month’s idea comes in — learning to notice the bigger picture of who we are. Later, we’ll use a simple kid-friendly metaphor about a pond and ripples to bring this idea to life. But for now, imagine: what if you and your child could step back, even a little, from those tough moments?

🌀 What Self-as-Context Really Means

In simple terms, self-as-context is the skill of remembering:

You are the one who notices thoughts, emotions, and sensations — not the thoughts and feelings themselves.

More importantly, you’ve always been the one noticing. From making friends in kindergarten to learning sports and celebrating milestones — every joy and challenge has been witnessed by you. None of those millions of moments fully define who you are. You are the one who holds it all.

To make this idea relatable for children, we use metaphors. One of the clearest is the image of a pond. Imagine dropping a pebble into the water: ripples spread across the surface, then fade. Each ripple is like a thought or feeling — strong at first, then softer, then gone. Through it all, the pond remains steady.

This is the lesson Sage the Squirrel brings to Finn the Fox in our new story (see below): ripples come and go, but the pond stays. Science backs this up as well — helping kids see themselves beyond a single thought or feeling builds resilience and reduces the risk of getting “stuck” in negative self-beliefs (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 2012; Coyne et al., 2011).

🆚 How Self-as-Context Differs From Other Skills

It can be easy to confuse self-as-context with mindfulness or defusion, but each plays a unique role:

🦜 Mindfulness (Micah): noticing the present moment.

🦆 Defusion (Delaney): viewing thoughts as words, rather than absolute truths.

🐿️ Self-as-Context (Sage): recognizing that you are the one who notices — the container that holds all experiences.

Mindfulness and defusion are stepping stones, while self-as-context helps kids step back even further, creating a sense of steady perspective across their entire lives. This distinction matters for parents too: by modeling it, you show your child they are always more than one bad day, one mistake, or one emotion.

❤️ Why It Matters for Kids (and Parents)

When children learn self-as-context, they gain space to reframe their experiences:

Instead of “I’m bad at math,” they can think, “I had a hard day, but I can try again.”
Instead of “Nobody likes me,” they can see, “That was a tough moment, but it doesn’t define all of me.”

Parents benefit too. Instead of “I’m failing as a parent,” you can remind yourself, “I had a stressful morning, but I’m more than that.”

Research indicates that the ability to create perspective helps children and adults alike reduce emotional reactivity, increase self-compassion, and foster greater flexibility (Shapiro et al., 2006; Zelazo & Lyons, 2012). It doesn’t erase challenges — it creates room around them, making it easier to respond with steadiness.

📌 Try It Today: A Gentle Practice

A simple way to bring this idea home is with the Ripple Reminder activity from our "Self-as-Context" mini-resource.

Here’s how it works:

🌱 Invite your child to share a thought or feeling from their day.
🌿 Imagine it as a ripple moving across water — sometimes small, sometimes big.
🌳 Gently remind them: “Ripples come and go, but the pond (that’s you) is steady.”

This practice gives children language and imagery for noticing thoughts without being defined by them. When parents do it together with kids, it strengthens the connection and models calm presence. Even brief mindfulness-based activities like this can reduce reactivity and increase emotional flexibility in children (Zelazo & Lyons, 2012).

👉 Download the free Self-as-Context mini resource here.

📖 Stories That Carry It Forward

In our August blog, we explored self-regulation with Riley the Rhino and the idea of steady steps. Just like finding balance after a wobble, self-regulation grows through small, steady practices.

This month, Sage the Squirrel helps Finn notice that thoughts and feelings are like ripples on a pond — always changing, never the whole story. Both lessons point to the same truth: kids (and parents) don’t need perfection, just gentle reminders that growth comes one step, one ripple, at a time.

👉 Try the Ripple Reminder and other playful activities with your child. These resources can be found on our Free ACT Materials for Children page here.

💌 And if you’d like even more tools, our newsletter community will receive two full printable stories in September — Sage and the Reflective Pond and The Steady Steps Club — free, delivered straight to your inbox.

👉 You can sign up as a Free Subscriber to get your monthly Mindful Living Resources newsletters here. Simply click on the newsletter button at the top and enter your email address. That's all there is to it!

💌 Conclusion: A Gentle Reminder

Some days feel smooth, others messy. That’s okay. You and your child are always more than one ripple, one moment, or one mistake. By practicing small steps like the Ripple Reminder, you build steady emotional skills that last.

🐿️You are the pond, not just the ripples.

We’d love to hear how you use this resource and any of our others! Tag us on social media, drop us a message, or share in the comments below.

And stay tuned later this month—we’re creating a larger Self-as-Context resource with even more story-driven activities, creative exploration, and gentle tools to help your family continue growing emotional strength…together.

👉 Check out our store here.

📚 References

Coyne, L. W., McHugh, L., & Martinez, E. R. (2011). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Advances and applications with children, adolescents, and families. Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Clinics of North America, 20(2), 379–399. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chc.2011.01.010
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). New York: Guilford Press. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2012-00755-000
Shapiro, S. L., Carlson, L. E., Astin, J. A., & Freedman, B. (2006). Mechanisms of mindfulness. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62(3), 373–386. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20237
Zelazo, P. D., & Lyons, K. E. (2012). The potential benefits of mindfulness training in early childhood: A developmental social cognitive neuroscience perspective. Child Development Perspectives, 6(2), 154–160. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1750-8606.2011.00215.x