Growth Requires Helping Kids Learn From Mistakes
- Michael R Kiel
- Jul 4
- 5 min read
Helping children learn, recover, and grow without expecting perfection.
This article is part of the Steady Steps™ series, a collection of resources exploring how children gradually build emotional skills through everyday experiences.
The Tension Many Parents Feel
Most parents say they want their children to learn from mistakes.
Yet when mistakes happen, many of us immediately want to prevent discomfort, rescue the situation, or help our children avoid making the same mistake again.
This reaction is understandable.
Watching our children struggle can be difficult.
We want them to succeed.
We want them to feel confident.
We want them to avoid frustration, failure, and embarrassment whenever possible.
The challenge is that many of the skills we hope children develop are built through experiences that include these very things.
Children often develop:
Confidence
Persistence
Problem-solving
Flexibility
Emotional recovery
not by getting things right every time, but by trying, struggling, adjusting, and trying again.
Growth Requires Helping Kids Learn From Mistakes
Mistakes provide information.
They help children discover:
What worked
What didn't work
What they might try differently next time
Without mistakes, there is often little need to adapt, adjust, or grow.
Growth often emerges from figuring things out.
Not from already knowing.
Psychological flexibility research suggests that growth often occurs when individuals learn to stay engaged with meaningful experiences even when they include discomfort, uncertainty, or setbacks (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).
Mistakes are often part of that process.
What Research Suggests
One of the most influential findings in educational psychology is that children benefit when they view abilities as things that can develop through effort, learning, and practice rather than fixed traits.
Research on growth mindset suggests that children who view mistakes as opportunities to learn often show greater persistence when challenges arise (Dweck, 2016).
This does not mean children enjoy making mistakes.
It means mistakes become information rather than proof that they cannot succeed.
The goal is not to seek failure.
The goal is to understand that helping kids learn from mistakes is a normal part of the learning process.
A Common Misunderstanding
When people hear that mistakes help children grow, they sometimes assume it means stepping back completely.
It doesn't.
Growth does not require recklessness.
It does not mean removing guidance.
It does not mean ignoring safety.
Instead, growth means creating opportunities for children to experience manageable challenges within supportive environments.
Children often learn best when adults provide enough support to help them succeed while still allowing room for effort, experimentation, and adjustment.
Safe Mistakes vs. Unsafe Mistakes
Of course, not every mistake should be allowed.
Part of parenting involves helping children distinguish between situations that are safe to learn from and situations that require protection.
Unsafe Mistakes
Running into traffic.
Ignoring important safety rules.
Using tools or equipment beyond developmental ability.
Situations involving significant physical danger.
Safe Mistakes
Forgetting a homework folder.
Having an awkward social interaction.
Trying a new skill and struggling.
Making an error while learning.
Not succeeding immediately.
Losing in a competition.
Growth often happens when children experience realistic consequences in environments that remain supportive.
These experiences help children build confidence in their ability to recover, adjust, and continue moving forward.
Why This Feels So Hard
Parents often experience their child's discomfort as their own discomfort.
When children struggle:
We want to help.
We want to fix.
We want to remove obstacles.
Sometimes support is exactly what is needed.
Other times, growth requires staying nearby while children discover they can handle more than they thought.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasizes that meaningful growth often involves making room for discomfort rather than eliminating it entirely (Hayes, Strosahl, & Wilson, 2012).
This can be difficult for children.
It can also be very difficult for parents.
The Steady Steps™ Shift
Instead of asking:
"How do I prevent every mistake?"
Try asking:
"How can I help my child learn from this experience safely?"
This small shift changes the goal.
The goal is no longer perfection.
It becomes growth.
And growth often happens through:
Trying
Adjusting
Recovering
Trying again
Each experience becomes another opportunity to learn.
One Small Step Forward
Children do not need perfect experiences to grow.
They need opportunities to practice.
Sometimes that practice includes mistakes.
Sometimes it includes frustration.
Sometimes it includes trying again.
Research on resilience consistently suggests that confidence develops through successful experiences of overcoming manageable challenges, not through avoiding challenges altogether (Masten, 2014).
Many of the moments that feel difficult in the present become the experiences that help children build confidence over time.
Growth is rarely a straight line.
It is often a process of learning, adjusting, and continuing forward one small step at a time.
Frequently Asked Questions
Should I let my child make mistakes?
Some mistakes are valuable learning opportunities. Others involve safety concerns and require adult intervention. The goal is not to allow every mistake. The goal is to identify which challenges help children learn and grow safely.
Won't mistakes hurt my child's confidence?
Research suggests that confidence often develops through overcoming manageable challenges rather than avoiding them entirely (Masten, 2014). Supportive experiences with mistakes can strengthen confidence over time.
How do I know when to step in?
If safety is at risk, adults should intervene. If the challenge is manageable and developmentally appropriate, consider whether your child might benefit from attempting the task with support nearby.
What if my child becomes frustrated easily?
Frustration is often part of learning. Rather than removing every obstacle, try helping your child slow down, take a break, or focus on one small step at a time. Sometimes, becoming curious about how they have shown less frustration is the next step in supporting them.
What should I say after a mistake?
Instead of focusing only on the outcome, try asking (in their next calm moment):
"What did you learn?"
"What might you try next time?"
"What part went better than you expected?"
These questions encourage reflection and problem-solving rather than self-criticism.
Continue Exploring the Steady Steps™ Series
Explore the complete collection of Steady Steps™ articles, tools, and resources designed to help children build emotional skills through everyday experiences.
Explore the Steady Steps™ Series here.
Continue the Conversation with Your Child
If you'd like to continue exploring this idea with your child, visit Stop 2 of the Finn's Forest Trail — Growth Garden, where Finn discovers that growth doesn't always happen at the same pace and that every garden grows one small step at a time.
Or start from the very beginning of Finn's mindfulness trail here.
📌 Follow Along for More Therapist-Led Support
If you found this helpful, you can follow Mindful Living Resources™ on Instagram for daily, ACT-informed guidance for parents of kids who get stuck in worry, perfectionism, big feelings, or “I can’t” loops.
We share:
Therapist reflections from real sessions
Nervous-system explanations in parent language
Small-step scripts for hard moments
Research-informed parenting insights
Gentle emotional-skills stories for kids
You can find us on Instagram at @MindfulLivingResources.
References
Dweck, C. S. (2016). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House. Download the free PDF here.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press. See details of the book here.
Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865–878. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2010.03.001
Masten, A. S. (2014). Ordinary Magic: Resilience in Development. Guilford Press. See details of the book here.
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