Acceptance Acres™ Field Guide #2: Helping Kids Get Unstuck from Sticky Thoughts
- Michael R Kiel
- Aug 19
- 5 min read
When a Thought Gets Sticky
Your child says.
"I can't do it."
You reassure your child.
"I think you can. Let's give it a try."
They fire back.
"NO, I CAN'T!"
Sometimes, the more we try to convince a child that a thought isn't true, the more firmly they seem to hold onto it.
The difficulty may not be whether the thought is accurate.
It may be how tightly they've gotten caught by it.
In Acceptance Acres, we like to call these sticky thoughts.
And if you've ever tried to get a piece of bubble gum off your shoe, you already know something about how they can feel.
Helping Kids Get Unstuck from Sticky Thoughts
Sticky thoughts can show up in many ways.
"I'm going to mess up."
"Nobody likes me."
"I can't do this."
"What if something bad happens?"
They might sound like worries, predictions, self-doubt, or harsh self-talk.
Our minds generate thoughts all day long. Most come and go without much trouble. But sometimes a thought repeats itself so often—or arrives with such a strong feeling—that it begins to seem less like something our mind is saying and more like a fact we have to follow.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), becoming tightly caught by a thought is sometimes called cognitive fusion.
The goal isn't to stop children from having these thoughts.
Instead, we can help them see the difference between having a thought and having to do what that thought says.
What Is Cognitive Defusion?
ACT uses the term cognitive defusion to describe creating a little space between ourselves and what our minds are telling us.
That space doesn't have to make the thought disappear.
A child can still think:
"I can't do this."
They don't have to replace it with:
"I can definitely do this!"
They don't even have to decide which thought is correct.
Instead, they can begin to notice:
"I'm having the thought that I can't do this."
It's a small shift.
But sometimes a small amount of space between a thought and our reaction gives us more possibilities for what we do next.
And there's a friend in Acceptance Acres who knows quite a bit about sticky thoughts and how to help kids get unstuck from them.
🦆 What Delaney the Duck Can
Teach Us About Sticky Thoughts
Delaney the Duck spends plenty of time near the water.
And every now and then, she enjoys a piece of bubble gum, too.
Around Delaney's Pond, thoughts can behave in all sorts of interesting ways.
Some thoughts seem to stick.
Others might float nearby for a while.
Some change sooner than we expect.
Others stay much longer than we'd like.
Delaney doesn't need to control which kind of thought shows up before she continues with her day.
She can notice what's there, become curious about it, and discover what happens when she doesn't have to follow every thought wherever it wants to take her.
That's part of what children can begin experiencing when they explore Delaney's Pond.
What Defusion Isn't
When children become stuck in negative thoughts, it's natural to want to help those thoughts go away.
But cognitive defusion isn't about:
Getting rid of uncomfortable thoughts.
Replacing every negative thought with a positive one.
Convincing a child that their thought is wrong.
Making worry or other uncomfortable feelings disappear.
Teaching children to ignore what their minds are saying.
Instead, we're helping children develop a different relationship with their thoughts.
The thought can be there.
And something else can happen, too.
Three Ways to Practice Creating Space
Children can experiment with thoughts in many ways. The goal isn't to find the "right" technique or make a difficult thought disappear.
We're simply helping children experience the same thought from a slightly different perspective.
1. Put the Thought Somewhere
Imagine placing the thought inside a bubble.
Set it on a leaf floating down a stream.
Put it on a cloud moving through the sky.
The thought hasn't disappeared.
We've simply given it somewhere to be.
A thought that felt like it filled the entire room a moment ago can become something a child notices from a little farther away.
2. Change Something About the Thought
What would the thought sound like in a tiny voice?
What if the words became enormous?
Could the thought move very slowly?
What color would it be?
What shape?
Children aren't arguing with the thought or trying to make fun of something that genuinely bothers them.
They're experimenting with it.
The words may stay exactly the same while the child's experience of those words begins to change.
3. Let the Thought Come Along
Sometimes the most useful thing we can discover is that a thought doesn't need to leave before we move.
"I can't do this" might come along while we take the first step.
Worry might ride with us to school.
Self-doubt might show up at soccer practice.
A difficult thought can be present without making every decision.
That's where creating space becomes more than a thought exercise.
It creates room for action.
What This Can Sound Like in Everyday Life
Defusion doesn't require a special activity every time a difficult thought appears.
Sometimes a few words are enough to create a little space.
During homework:
"There's the 'I can't do this' thought."
Before trying something new:
"Looks like worry came along with us."
After a mistake:
"Your mind has a lot to say about that mistake."
At bedtime:
"We don't have to solve that thought tonight."
None of these is a perfect response.
And that's not the goal.
We're helping children discover that a thought can be present without making every decision for them.
🌿 Try It in Acceptance Acres
Delaney's Pond gives children a place to experience these ideas through play.
Around the pond, ordinary discoveries create opportunities to notice thoughts in different ways—without needing a lesson about "doing defusion correctly."
Children can explore.
They can experiment.
They can see what happens.
And parents can join them without needing to turn every discovery into a teaching moment.
Thoughts Don't Have to Choose the Next Step
Minds think.
Sticky thoughts happen.
Some thoughts disappear almost as quickly as they arrive.
Others hang around.
Emotional flexibility doesn't require children to control which thoughts show up or how quickly they leave.
Instead, we can help children discover that they can notice what their minds are saying, create a little room for it, and still have some choice about what happens next.
Sometimes that's enough:
A sticky thought.
A little space.
And one more step forward.
🌿 Continue Exploring
Visit Delaney's Pond and explore sticky thoughts together through play.
And if you'd like more ways to practice cognitive defusion with your child, explore our related parent resources for helping children respond differently to worry, negative thoughts, and harsh self-talk.
We'll continue our journey through Acceptance Acres in Field Guide #3.
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